i am sitting at the kitchen table

in silence watching water pour from the tap

i should have turned off

and i am wearing clothes that smell

like grease

and deodorant

and my grey socks

that used to be white.

they say,

if you drop a knife

let it fall.

we don’t take care of our knives

so they’re rusted

and blunt

and cheap to begin with

but they say

a blunt knife is more dangerous

than a sharp one.

i’m not afraid of knives

even falling ones

but

it might be nice to pretend.

to be able to hold

that thing you’re afraid of.

control it

slice with it

let it fall.